Some sardar jokes

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B"

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Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."

Santa's ferrari
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)

Santa Goes to heaven
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Santa & Banta
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

Rajsi complained to his friend about his wife ' My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years .' Mrs Rajsi intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms.

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : 'How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, 'Sorry , I could not make it .'

'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. D'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh,'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Sardarji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : What's your problem?
Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Sardarji : What problem?

Air travel
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."

No formalities
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."

Santa's ferrari
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)

Side A -Side B
Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B"

SHER-O-SHAYARI
JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE SAR MEIN DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI. WAH WAH WAH .......

Sweet Revenge
Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!

Kele ka Chilka
Santa Singh was walking down the street when he saw a banana peel on the roadside. He exclaimed in disgust."saala!!! aaj phir girna padega!!!! (damn!!! i have to fall again today!!)

FILM
Banta singh was telling his friend,"yesterday my wife and i had a terrible quarrle.i wanted to go to the club& she wanted to go to the movies." Which film did u c ???asked his friend.

Employment
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: Yes

Logic
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!

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These adorable and "smart" people have evoked a lot of laughs at themselves till date. Here are a series of the best Sardar Jokes ever. read on and next time you see a Sardar on the road, thank him for having lit up our lives with humor. If you are a Sardar reading this please show your magnanimousness by laughing at yourself. Please forgive me.

"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor." said Santa to Banta "Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" replied Banta.
Santa said: "Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

Read this letter to a Sardar from his mom:

Read the following letter. I am sure you will enjoy it.
A request to u pls don't laugh too hard while readin coz it is written by a Mom.
......so what if she is a sardar's mom..

LETTER FROM A SARDAR ' S LOVING MOTHER
Pyaarey puttar,

Vahe Guru. I ' m writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don' t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen20 miles from home,so we moved 20 miles. I won' t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I putin 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven' t seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first I trained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven' t found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don' t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jatinder fell in athe nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father' s last wishes. His father hadwished to be buried in the seaafter he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn' t much more news this time. Nothing muchhas happened.

Love Mom.

P.S : I was going to send you some money but the Envelope was already sealed.

*********

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

* * * * * *

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

EMPLOYMENT..

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for ajob. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" :
He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

* * * * * *

CROCODILE BOOTS..

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.Finally a search is beingmade, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again*barefeet!"

* * * * * *

A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object withyou?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss thensays, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

* * * * * *

What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

* * * * * *

What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
* * * * * *

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the
salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, newoutfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* * * * * *

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
* * * * * *

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over hisears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

* * * * * *

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
* * * * * *
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

* * * * * *

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

* * * * * *

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

* * * * * *

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
* * * * * *

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

* * * * * *

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

* * * * * *

How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

* * * * * *

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

* * * * * *

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

* * * * * *

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
* * * * * *

TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

* * * * * *

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train toLudhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

* * * * * *

A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkalhai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

* * * * * *

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baitheho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
* * * * * *

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved moreservice.
So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reachinghome, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw themirror. Said his wife "What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "Iam thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

* * * * * *

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid:Chinese."
"How come you write" Chinese" when both parents areSikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the planet is chinese.

Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a
pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.

Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.

Days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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Suicidal Sardar

An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage!

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...

At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!

The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"

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Taking over USA
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed.

Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
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Sardar in Texas
A patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to the surd's window.

"Goodafternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."

The surd lets out a big sigh of relief:"Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then the surd's wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."
Surd's Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye, aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?" At this time the surd's trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"

* * * * * *

Illiterate sardar
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."

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Sardar Pilots
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream "the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets he plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start
descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again... During their eighth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway.."
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."